These truths I hold to be self evident:
(1) If you stand up in front of the judges and suddenly faint then you cannot be America's next top model (ANTM)
(2) If the stress of competition causes your face to break out uncontrollably then you also cannot be America's next top model.
Alright then. For last week's reports check here.
This week's show was all about makeup and how to apply it properly. The big joke was they asked the girls what haute couture meant and none of these model candidates knew. And they for real?
Then we had Noelle complaining over and over about how hard life is for her and how much she misses her child because she's had to sacrifice so much at her young age of 20 for her child. Well my dear I'm sorry was I supposed to feel pity for you? Isn't that what mother/parenthood is about? Plus well I aint tell you to go and have a child as a teenager now did I? Ok then so keep quiet and deal with the show instead of doing this little looking for sympathy act.
Anyway the main focus of the show was Michelle. Michelle is the girl who is supposedly 18 but looks more like she's going on 40. She is the one who doesn't really mix with the other girls as well and was acting rather strange a few shows ago. They blamed her behavior then on her being bisexual. Whatever! Clearly Michelle has issues of inadequacy and is overwhelmed by the occasion and being around the other girls. Dr . Jdid says to Michelle stand up straight and be more assertive and don't worry about the other girls.
So last night Michelle's face was breaking out with a bunch of red splotches. That's all I have to say about that. I'm not going to ridicule her because she's breaking out cause it aint her fault. So she was freaking out and at first the other girls were being rather sympathetic since the splotches had Michelle crying and just being generally sad and worried. Even Tyra saw the splotches and was like lawd ave mercy.
Then Noelle call home and told her mom about the splotches. Now who tell she do that! All a sudden the mother started telling her about how she watched the news and that is definitely the flesh eating disease that going around and how the girl face peeling off and she might be contagious and she gine dead. Oh shoot den!
So while Michelle sleeping, Noelle went and tell the rest of the girls. wuhloss! Ya should see everybody in a panic. People scratching off their skin, walking around looking all jittery like they thought that prior contact with the girl would lead to a limb or two just spontaneously falling off. I'm too pretty to die of flesh eating disease! Pure paranoia! Everyone started calling home to ask about this flesh eating disease and their families are telling them all sorts of things about how dangerous this disease is. Ignorance is bliss isn't it.
Of course the one voice of reason was Tiffany's grandmother who was like man wunnah girls got way too much time on y'all hands, go and read a book, the girl aint have no flesh eating disease.
Of course you couldn't convince LLuvy aka the girl who Tyra said had the worse photos in ANTM history. She had shared a makeup kit with Michelle earlier so she was going into all sorts of convulsions, shaking like she catching the spirit or a fit or something so. Scratching like she has fleas and rubbing her skin, bobbing her head and making all sort of strange faces and her face already strange so it wasn't that pleasant looking.
Anyway they went for a photo shoot which involved kids and since Michelle has a flesh eating disease they don't want her near the kids. So the guys running the shoot looked at Michelle's face and say boy it look like she got leprosy, it all over her face and the top of her head bleeding. cuhdear. Where is Dr D when ya need him, nuh?
So they decided to take her out of the photo shoot and send her to a dermatologist. Boy it must be nice to be on tv where you can just decide to go see a specialist and just walk through the door and he's waiting to treat you. wow! Everybody else duz have to make appointment from three weeks back and then go in a crowded waiting room and sit down for three hours before the doctor calls you in.
Well anyway the doctor took a look at Michelle and said she had some bacterial thing called inpatycho (don't ask me how to spell it properly) and that with pills it would go away in a few weeks but it could be spread via close contact with anyone.
Well that's a relief. No flesh eating disease! Tyra and the girls must be relieved. So Michelle goes back to the shoot and they decide to be on the safe side and make her do her shoot with a mannequin which doesn't sit well with a few of the other girls who were complaining about the real children they had to pose up. Oh well!
Anyway we get to judging time again. Tyra look descent this time but Janice Dickerson trying to garner some attention by wearing she revealing lingerie to the judging. Sorry Janice it naa work, ya still look old and haggard.
The final two come down to Lluvy again and Noelle. How does Lluvy manage to stay in this show so long is my question? She's not pretty, she already has the worst picture in ANTM history, we all know she's going to get bumped at some point or the other but she keeps on bumping off much prettier girls. This time she knocks off Noelle. Oh well a so it go.